If you are a single woman and not having any luck dating, you are stuck in a pattern. And chances are that pattern is choosing the wrong guys.
Vasavi Kumar, LMSW, MSEd., is married to the man of her dreams, but it was not that long ago she was dating and making the same kinds of missteps we all do.
“If you take a look at your past four or five dating relationships and how they all ended, I guarantee you will see a pattern,” advises Vasavi. “It’s easy to put blame on how bad the guys are, but at the end of the day, you choose who you spend your time with.”
Here’s how you can get rid of Mr. Wrong for good:
Give the nice guy a chance – Nice guys don’t finish last! “I don’t know why, but women seem to think that if a guy is a complete jerk, he must be worth the chase,” says Vasavi. “I think it must be our innate nature to nurture. But that does not mean fixing and mending men who have issues that go way beyond cooking a meal or buying gifts. It certainly does not mean sleeping with them on the first date.” Have you overlooked many good men because you were too busy going after the guys who didn’t deserve your time or energy?
Don’t get stuck in a “type” – Be open when choosing a date. Who made up the rules that in order to be in a happy relationship, your guy needs to be rich, and/or tall dark and handsome? “I understand preferences, but when you get caught up in a mold of how you think things ought to be, that is when you get stuck – and falling for the same old guys, over and over again,” recommends Vasavi.
Muzzle negative talk – Telling people how horrible your dating life is doesn’t help one bit. Neither does griping about how there are no guys out there for you to date. That’s nothing more than a silly old belief that has kept you right where you are, with crappy boyfriends who have now turned into exes. “Keep speaking negatively and the longer you will stay single and frustrated,” adds Vasavi.
“So stop perpetuating the self-fulfilling prophecies,” says Vasavi. “Open your eyes to the nice guys who may be interested in you, stop insisting that you can only date your ideal ‘type’, and lose the loser talk.”
Vasavi is co-author of the best-selling book Succeeding in Spite of Everything and appears on TV as the “Keepin’ It Real Guru” on Kansas City Live.
Learn more at her online press kit http://www.vasavikumar.presskit247.com/ and her public site, http://VasaviKumar.com.
